Well, the 40^th high school reunion that I was certain would never arrive was a “happening” last weekend. I descended on my old hometown of Detroit and faced the music …vintage 1971.

Did you know that 44% of all high school reunions take place in the months of July and August? Or that 60% of your former classmates still reside in your home state? You can find out more reunion information here, to fortify yourself.

The only other reunion I had attended was the 20^th.  I had high school anxiety flashbacks and was losing lots of sleep, which made my eye bags bulge like overstuffed suitcases.

But I managed to “get back” for the 40th and I’m glad I did. Here’s why.

Facebook Friends or Foes?

In these days of Facebook Friends and LinkedIn Contacts, it’s nearly impossible to plead ignorance about your high school reunion. The committee will find you and they will hector you into submission with YouTube videos (watch mine here), endless emails and “shares.”

I resisted the invitation until my best friend from junior high, Kitt, taunted me with “what are you afraid of? Or who?”  I told her about some of the online “friend requests” that were making me uncomfortable.

Then I found that I could edit my “profile” on the reunion website, add a current photo and get my story and facts straight upfront. I felt a little better about attending, but not much.

The Way We Were

At our 20^th Reunion, we were thirty-eight. Most of us were back to our fighting weight after having kids during our polished, can-do professional years. Most of the guys still had some hair. We may not have been hotties, but we were at least lukewarm.

I wasn’t sure that I wanted to face that ballroom full of faces again. I told Kitt that I was also somewhat unhinged at the thought of reprising my role of Beau’s (fictional name) high school girlfriend, again, twenty years on.

All evening long, at the 20th Reunion banquet, through the speeches by the Student Council President and on to the achievement awards for fame and fortune, people continually asked me about Beau.  Back then, I replied,

-No, Beau and I are not still “going together”

-Yes, I am married to a foreigner who has dedicated his life to making the world safe for capitalism

-No, I haven’t lived in state for a long, long time, but I am still living

-Yes, Beau’s bride, the raven-haired beauty to my right, knows all about me.

In other words, conversation was awkward.

If, like me, you were part of a group or couple that defined your high school years. Surely it is the essence of adolescence to affiliate or die.

Maybe you were a fringe player…lurking on the edges of the “cool crowd,” the “intellectuals”, the “jocks,” the “musicians” or the “freaks,” but you never felt fully a part of any of them.

You are not alone. Low self-esteem holds many people back from fully blossoming in high school. The trick is to see that these personas are just characters that we play on the way to developing into reasonably functioning adults.

It’s all just make believe. Our personal stories  shift and change over time. And we can rewrite and reinvent ourselves as many times as it takes to feel right.  Not fiction, just creative non-fiction, please.

Anyway, Kitt assured me that 40  years on, memories and vision are fuzzier.

15 Ways to Rock Your Boomer High School Reunion

1. Listen to the tunes that put you in a Baby Boomer school daze – download Paul Simon, Bob Seeger and the Silver Bullet Band, any Motown, Beach Boys, Beatles or classic rock. Practice your Pony, Frug, or Wild Thing and dance like no one is watching.

You can find your music by year right here. It really is true that “our songs” strike a chord in memory that lasts a lifetime. Walk around with little white headphones around your neck and look modern.

2. Go with a friend, but unless you were high school sweethearts, consider leaving your spouse at home. Why would they want to go anyway except to “be there for you?” Be magnanimous and let them have a “get out of jail free” card for putting up with your shenanigans for all these years.

At the very least, it will reduce your stress over introducing them to classmates that you hardly remember anyway.

3. Pick up a cool car at the airport and make a statement. I wanted a Ford Fusion Hybrid since mine was a true blue Ford family. I ended up with an over priced and over powered modern Mustang, but it felt good to roar into the hotel parking lot. If you are not from the Motor City, you can probably forget the whole “car statement” step.

4. Forget the “great outfit” that everyone is desperately seeking. Wear what you’re comfortable in and that says something about who you are and what you love.

If you’re panicked and staring in desperation at what is hanging in your closet, claim that the airline lost your luggage. Everyone will believe your story and empathize.

5. Show that you are comfortable in your own skin.  This is something I never did in high school. My mother made my prom dresses and I looked like a cross between Sandra Dee and Queen Victoria.

There’s nothing wrong with modesty, just realize that among this reunion geezer crowd, no one will think you are a “bad girl” any longer if you show a little cleavage.

6. Prepare an “elevator” speech about the “kids.” Yes, they’re charming and accomplished, but they are grown men and women now. You can’t claim credit for, or complain about, his or her every word and deed. Keep yourself under three minutes of grinning, gloating or groaning, then move the conversation on.

7. Show your photos of … grandchildren, pets, elders, or your prize petunias… if you must. But if possible, show the photos on your SmartPhone to demonstrate your mastery of technology.  Your classmates will be impressed that you are no longer a Luddite.

8. Plan a drinking strategy. Pick your poison and take tiny sips for hours with lots of water chasers. If you need to find your “signature” cocktail before your reunion bash, check here.  How about a Rhubarb Margarita? You don’t have to drink it, just pose with it.

9. Meditate, don’t medicate. Some reunion goers feel the need for the hint of pharmaceutical relaxation that Xanax can achieve. I’ve even heard of attendees downing their offspring’s ADHD medications to radiate and concentrate throughout the evening.

But unless you are a far more experienced substance abuser than I am, leave the mind altering for another time. Instead, “get back to where you once belonged” by taking a few quiet minutes for yourself to walk, read or rest and refresh yourself for your reunion experience.

10. Be curious and mysterious. Practice some leading questions to get conversations flowing. Everyone likes to talk about his or her own favorite subjects.

It’s your job to discover what they are.

Make a  point of walking up to someone who you don’t remember and get the ball rolling. The less you talk about yourself, the more fascinating others will find you.

11. Avoid text-ing under the table. It’s as annoying as passing notes in class and will show your lack of attention to the “now.” Save your reunion party summary for a long phone chat with your best friend when you’re back to reality on Monday.

12. Don’t go looking for love.  Teenage hormones serve a great purpose but if you are past the first blush of menopause or a guy struggling with hairy man-scaping issues, you are likely to view intimacy with strangers as appealing as hotel bedbugs.

Keep your dignity intact for the rest of the reunion — save the getting naked in the hot tub for home with those you count as your nearest and dearest.

13.  Tap into your reserves of compassion and condolences. You are bound to encounter some reunion stories about illness, care-giving and hardship.

Your gratitude and appreciation for the good things in your life will open your heart and bolster the spirits of others. Sometimes just a hug says volumes.

14. Don’t be the last to leave.  Absolutely refuse to retire early and risk becoming fodder for gossip. Under no circumstances depart in time to watch the News at Ten in your jammies.

You can check online headlines in the morning to be sure no one from your reunion was incarcerated overnight.

15. Do look deeply into their eyes and smile beatifically. Give your reunion friends the listening and the recognition they crave and, at last, you’ll be the most popular kid in school.

Who’s That Girl?

It was marvelous at 58 years old to feel 18 again, if only for one night. The opportunity to reconnect and right old wrongs is priceless.

The people and places bring us back to where we began the journey to adulthood.

If for no other reason, it is a chance to put painful teenage memories to rest and relax, at last, with peace and gratitude.  Maybe “flower power” really is “where it’s at.”

What’s your plan for your high school reunion?

Will you suspend reality and be “somebody else” for 48 hours like they do in Vegas?

Or, will you avoid the whole situation and stay at home on the couch with the TV remote and reruns from TV Land?